"TED welcomes you, and hopes you have a safe trip. TED would like to offer you complimentary coffee. TED hopes to see you soon!" TED is part of United. As some sort of marketing adventure, United airlines is calling their company and services TED, and the flight attendants and captains talk about TED like he's a person. And it's creepy. Overkill on the attempt to be more personable. Umm, TED? Get away from me. You're freaking me out. I mean what IS TED? An invisible entity residing in the aircraft? The "boss" sitting 20 stories up in some boardroom full of CEO's? He grows more tangible with every refrence. It was kind of funny at first, but...
Anyway, this is the view I had to endure on my trip. Awful, huh? All epiphany inducing and whatnot. How many epiphanies can a person take, anyway, before they start having visions and talking to themselves? Well, I already talked to myself before this so that indicator is out of the equation. I did keep thinking I saw my cats, though. Sometimes it was just Milo, Mom's little dog, but- sometimes it wasn't. Phantom cats aside, it was the best trip EVER. All that endless sky and tree dotted hills, the lack of traffic noise... a person could start to want that on a regular basis, heaven forbid. But the real deal sealer on moving? My new room:
This "shower", hereafter referred to as "my room", has it all. Custom artwork in the gorgeous handcrafted tiles made by my very own Mum and Stepdad, a mesmirizing view, a shower head that you can pull down and spray directly on your toes and across your shoulders... And. OMG... a tankless water heater. Which equals endless hot water. ENDLESS. It was almost impossible to get out, which is why I'm moving in. Someone will have to bring me my meals... Mom?
Oh, and the blankity blank Airborne? SO didn't work. I am a pile of aching, hacking, fluid drinking (and excreting EEEW) sick human being. TED? You might want to get a face mask or breath filter of some kind. All that recycled breath from hundreds of people that you sealed me into your cylindrical confines with really put a damper on any chance at fond feelings, first name basis or not. And your coffee? Just not up to standards.
Not that my level of standards are the LEAST bit high.
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