Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Official (new) Plan

"Ting ting ting!" (fork thwacking champagne glass) I would like to make an announcement. Ok, well, I already told s11ome p1eople- how rude, my 1 key is sticking. Digression!!
'Ol haystack, aka Lilly the vicious killer, spilled water on my keyboard, and now the shift, control, and option keys don't work. In fact, let's just say that every typo is the keyboards fault. I have my old keyboard... which I spilled beer on and the 1, c, and b keys stick. Does that make me mama haystack? I just started calling her that, even though it's always been a trait of hers- tipping the avalanche that is the potential state of any horizontal surface in my house. The straw that, you know, with the poor camel and all. Okay, it's a roundabout way to her nickname. I bet she likes it better than Miss Fluffybutt, though. I'll take a picture sometime HAHAHA.

Ok, so, I have a 40+ hour a week job, with benefits, vacation days, sick days, and a retirement plan. I held up my end of the bargain, for 7 years now. The bargain being, work hard at a good job, get a home, start a family, and wave your American flag while eating apple pie and watching baseball. Yeah, obviously, someone pulled the wool over my eyes there. Not only do I feel betrayed, I also feel like an idiot for having believed it. I remember when I was an angst driven, spiked collar, THREE wallet chain, steel-toe boot stompin', black-only wearing teenager, and I was majorly pissed off because kids are raised on happily ever after, when life is obviously not so much. Somehow, though, I didn't equate the falsehood of fairy tales with the equally misleading and oversimplified american dream. Dumbass!

I feel guilty for feeling miserable. I know I'm lucky to have food, shelter, etc. But, feeling ashamed for being depressed doesn't help. Neither does imagining starving kids in Ethiopia or slaughtered families in Sudan. Actually, if that stuff DID cheer you up, I'd run away from you. I read those stories and I tell myself that I'm luckier by far than people like that, and how dare I complain or be unhappy? And if this job and this place are so awful why don't I just quit?!?!

Well, that WAS the plan. Save up for a tiny chunk of land, and go live in a tent eating bugs and leaves if only to get away. (Please, please not bugs.) Except that it costs SO much to live here that savings are as realistic as pink elephants. I've only seen purple elephants, so.... not being able to afford even the tent and bug escape plan, I was feling pretty hopeless. I was certain that the only a miracle could save me from a life lived out in one room apartments and being unhappy, and beating nyself up for being unhappy! And holy crap, a miracle happened. (Holy crap and miracle in one sentence, is that, umm, blasphemous?)

I have to go eat dinner now, lucky American that I am, so I will have to bleed your eyes with boredom for the rest of the story tomorrow. There will be much happiness, and pretty pictures! It turns out Blogger is just PICKY about which pictures I choose. These two were runners up. They are more expounding on the yay that is Arizona- a wild poppy and a herd of daisy looking things. Jeez, I didn't even make my announcement, I was so busy running my monologue. Tomorrow!

P.S. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not overreacting about neighborhood safety! Y'all make me feel all warm an squishy!! :P


Teryn said...

Sure, build me up, then leave me hanging. I think you've been reading the Pioneer Woman too much :)

Amber said...

Howdy...I just started reading your blog, and your experience in this one, what with the cheapness of the American dream and angsty teen and buying land and eating bugs sounds like me and my hubby! We are stuck in Virginia right now, in the same groove of cheap comfort and noooo savings.

Anyways, I look forward to hearing your miracle, and just so you know, I found you when I went looking for hillbilly wine recipes.