Ahhh, Hawaii

I went to Hawaii. That's where I was yesterday. Haha, I wish. No, I've been having "fun" trying to get my photos from my old computer to my new one, and all I've managed so far is my trip to hawaii. I guess that's some of the cream of the crop anyway.

I mean, if you don't go to Hawaii at least once in your life, you're missing out on probably the best place on the planet. There's meadows full of wild orchids for cryin' out loud. There's green and orange and blue geckos all over the place. There's sea turtles, and perfect sunsets everyday.

It's a lot funner than trying to get pics off a 2000 iMac. Umm, who makes a computer that can't copy anything on to disc? I'd be happy with floppy disc even. Or maybe there could just be a cord that plugs my two macs together?

Considering I spend hours every day on my computer, you would think I wouldn't hate them so much! I need another trip to Hawaii, haha. Everyone is so mellow and relaxed, and they probably don't have stupid computers because, one, it's heaven, and there's only good things in heaven, and two, they don't need to take pictures of it, they just look out the window. Okay, I'm going to get back to my feeble attempts at getting some more pictures. Or packing a bag and getting a plane ticket.

Wow I bore my own self even. It was a toss up between slappin some pretty pictures down, or Sebastian's field trip. Ha! That's tomorrow! Until I get a real life, maybe more of both!

Frontier Life

When I decided I wanted to "live off the fat of the land", it wasn't only for romantic escapeism. It's affordable! I've been reading about off the grid living for a few years, dreaming up ways of escaping the 9-5 (7-3). I actually discovered blogs only three months ago when I was googling "pioneer women", and found the truth about calf nuts instead. Renting a place with a yard, I'm finally able to practice some things, like growing food and wine making. Which is a dang good thing because if I had just quit my job, bought a chunk of land, some tools, seeds, and a chicken or two, I think I'd be pretty hungry right about now. And sober, haha. I'm afraid the wine has mold, so... I'll have to try again.

This is my first onion. The first piece of food I grew my very own self. It's a little bigger than a pea.

I have a hose. I can't imagine having to haul water or dig a well like the pioneers. Only one in three families made it, but for a free 160 acres, I would definitly try. Hey honey, put some water on, we're having onion soup. What? You can't taste anything? I put a whole onion in there! Back then spring was called starving time.
And seriously, are cucumbers supposed to do this? It's like one of those long skinny balloons, slowly inflating to it's full thickness at the stem end, still puny at the other end. Hey! No, there's no other food! Drink your onion water! This cucumber is mutated, I'll have to eat it and see if it's safe. Stay away! Yup, practice is a very good thing.

Coffee- best left to professionals

Just thought I'd share with you the header that my blog WOULD have, if it would ever stop saying "loading" and move on to "done".

Omg, somebody used the regular coffee grinder for flavored coffee! Omg the grossness. There is a little tiny lingering flavor of yukk every time I brew some up. I could just grind the beans at home, for even fresher tatse, but I'm much too lazy for that. In fact, for the real deal in gourmet delish, I should roast my own beans. My Dad does, and it's sooooooo good. You would think it would be, well, at least not hard if not easy, but... I managed to melt a spatula when I tried it. And, unaware that I had added plastic flavoring to the roasted beans, I... I... Oh gad. Yes, truth be told, I ground those beans up. I thought the black smears on the bottom of the roasting pot were from the beans, not the spatula. All I smelled was burnt something, and I thought it was the chaff that comes off the beans in black papery wisps and scrolls. I... I brewed a cup of these terribly contaminated coffee beans. And I tasted it. Eeeeeeeeek!!!! At least then I could finally tell that it was so wrong, and I didn't actually consume any. Also CommonLaw walked up wielding the now deformed spatula and asked me what the holy heck. Hmmm, I couldn't have noticed that before I brewed the stuff? Gad, and I love coffee so much I drink it black (when ice cream not option). Sheesh.

I got off work early today by some fluke, and after much much self cajoling I convinced myself to drive to the courthouse instead of straight home. It was the curiosity that won me over, really. I managed to interact with several people on subjects I know nothing about, only blushing once at my own dorkiness. And I succeeded in finding a little bit more about the zombie nest house. I now know who owns it, what it's appraised at, when it was built, the square footage, etc, but no juicy details about why it's empty and being reclaimed by the earth. The listed owners have had it for 17 years... and they live about 20-30 miles away... but that could be as of 17 years ago, the most current info I could find. So, I started googling them, the address, no luck, strayed to the hearsay and googled "meth lab my town"... lol no luck there either. Then I got distracted and started googling myself; turns out I am a latin singer with a legit record deal even. Also I "get what I want"... cool! Anyhoo, I am just getting started on this house thang, it certainly is a long long shot in the dark, but as a learning experience it's awesome.

Oh yeah, also at the courthouse I so looked up the place I rent haha! Oh the nosy interesting information one can learn from public records! I know when Landlord bought this place (2005) and how much for ($275,000 for 284 square feet on 1.631 acres). Juicy!!

Crazy Cat Lady

I'm not saying I have feces four feet deep in my house like a woman in the 'hood who was recently busted for having 83 cats. There IS a litterbox, but we clean it everyday because, well, living in a one room cabin how could you not? And as I mentioned, I very much look forward to the days when Sebastian and Maggie, yes, we FINALLY settled on their official-oh-crap-we're-keeping-them names, can s**t in the woods like bears. But there are these little signs that maybe I'm not... quite... your average kinda gal.


Things like my car. Tell tale Lilly prints, in the dust here...


...and in mud there. Little things that catch my eye when I'm driving, and instead of thinking how much I need to wash my car (I really really do) my breath catches, my chest feels funny, and a sloppy lopsided grin plasters itself to my face. I think to myself, "what a wonderful worl-" SCREEECH oops wrong thought, I think, "Man I love my kitties". Does anyone notice these things when they see my car and think, "whoah, cat lady" ? They might not have before, but I'm afraid the catmobile is now official: my rear window guardian.


OMG this toy was made in China! By Hasbro, not Mattel, but I guess that closes the deal. I can never touch it again, so it stays forever. Haha, like I would move it anyway. And besides, my honey stuck it there for me, so he did most of the touching of possible lead paint. I can't imagine plastic having lead paint on it, though. Whatever. I now wave my flag proudly. Crazy Cat Lady of the Mountains. Now I just need a good, raggedy, fur covered bathrobe to answer the door in.

Hallelujah!

Oh! You are sooo caught buddy!! Eating the kitties food, and, it looks like, finishing off my case of beer, too! Yeah, she was not impressed by my mountain paparazzi action. And I didn't have the heart to really try to scare her off 'cause she had a hurt paw. :( Is that a large woodland creature or what? Then my honey stormed out all arms a flyin' and loud voice a yellin', and when that didn't work, broom swingin'. And then the hose. I felt bad for the raccoon, but on the other hand, I don't want her eating my cats OR their food, or becoming human dependant. It's a tough world, ya know? Hard to balance compassion with "the right thing", whatever that is.

Except, for me, today was christmas in Jul- August. It was like all the lights were green, and the stars were aligned, and herds of butterflies descended from above. They did, too, all over my garden. One for every leaf, and sometimes two! It was so cool. I didn't have to work overtime, I got a present in the mail (!mom! thank you! I now have my very own bobbly head cat in my car's rear window heehee) and came home to a clean house, loving kitties, and the aforementioned flutterbys. I almost cried three times (!!!) 'cause I feel so incredibly spoiled and lucky to have peeps who care. Oh boy, I'm tearing up again! Must be something wrong with my eyes. And to top it all off, this:
Yes, that is ice cream in my coffee. The angels sang, and the cats danced in the moonlight, and the humans rejoiced, for Dad said, "let their be temperature controlled food", and there was. And there was loving family, and awesome friends, virtual world and physical, and I'm just so stoked I could pop.
Thanks, everyone.

P.S. OMG, the landlord even called, and it WASN'T anything bad! Holy wow! Maybe it's that meteor shower, all those shooting stars/ wishes from around the world and all different people... I hope they all got as lucky as me. Maybe I'll make one more wish, that Ms. Raccoon be healed.

Ghouls and Goodies!

Jeeee hoe-suh-phats! Yes, I actually say that, haha. That's what I thought when I woke up yesterday and looked at the clock. Three red slashes clawing out the first half of the day. I did a double take, thinking it HAD to be eleven-eleven, not ONE eleven. Gasp! And then I had breakfast (lunch) at my Dad's house, and we talked the rest of the day away. It was great, but sheesh! Gonna be one of those over way too quick weekends.

Dad had a great story to tell me, well, one of many, that lead to some great ideas. It seems he has some friends who found an abandoned, distressed property, and by doing some research here, some legal consulting there, a little loan action, and they were able to buy the place for 25 grand in back taxes!! Holy smokes! As a fixed up place it's worth more than half a mil! My eyes are popping out of my skull and my exclamation key is wearing out!! SO, I am soooooo going to do more research on that haunted house two doors down! Oh my goodness, and I was reading in my garden today, and I heard all this banging around, like construction, coming from that very direction, and I thought, no way! I didn't want to go waltzing up the driveway to see if it really was that place that was the source of the noise, which now I think about it is DUMB because I could have had my curiosity allayed by simply talking to the people, but being a shy hermit DORK I didn't. Doh!

No, I had the brilliant idea of climbing up into the hills and approaching the place from the back woods, all sneakily like a spy. Jeez, it sounds even more ridiculous as I write this, ah well I'm laughing, albeit at myself. And I tell ya, it's like the haunted creepiness rolls out in waves from that house, so that even the forest feels different than the forest just 50 yards away at my house.

Seriously, it's been neglected for so long that the canopy is dense and ancient, and no fresh young saplings liven up the place with lime green leaves. The branches down low are dead and bony, and I cleared at least 20 cobwebs with my face. It was scarier than phantom mountain lions, the thoughts of zombies and ghouls. I saw an ancient, faded, half burried baseball cap and was dead certain, no pun intended, there would be a skeleton close by. There wasn't, but even the birds were silent, holding there breath in anticipation of some grisly discovery. And why are animated corpses more frightening than lions? The fear of the the unknown, I guess, the believable seeming safer. This is what happens when you read Dean Koontz all morning and then go exploring abandoned properties. Which, I discovered, was as forgotten as ever and not the source of the hammering. Having satisfied at least that question, I quickly returned to my own yard, throat parched from my silly overactive imagination, and so very grateful for my kitties having accompanied me.

Aaaah the sun, banisher of demons! And even with all the vibes from that place I am still going to persue it, because I'm sure a little feng shui would really perk the place up. And maybe an exorcism or two.

P.S. And holy jeehosafats criminently gasp!!! Teryn at Ten Minutes to Naptime picked me! Me? Me! A rockin' Rosie the Riveter blogger award! AH!!!!!! Now I have to actually learn how to make links so I can put Teryn's link here!! LOL!! Squirming with delight and probably blushing to high heaven!! EEEEK the joy!!!!! :D Well by golly I award her right back! Oh my this is better than ice cream in coffee after sleeping in and having new books to read. I have to go run around the house like a little kid now. 'Scuse me while I do that. While giggling. HEEEHEEE!!

Lovely Lilly and a Lichen Lapel

"Berry Turd on a Log with Lichen" Or maybe it's moss. I should really know this.


Haha, even nature turds are pretty. And look at this lichen/ moss clump here. I could wear that in my hair! (sans any turd action, of course) It's gorgeous. It could be a prom dates corsage! I could pin it to my lapel! (There is such a thing as reading too much. This is when you SEE words instead of hear them. I still remember when I was 8 and I asked my Dad how you say "triumphant". Well, with lapel I wasn't thinking before I spoke, and Mum and Brother clearly heard me, in my twenties even, say I was going to put it on my "lay-pull" like maple)


And always giving anything pretty a run for it's money, the lovely Lilly. Ooops. She yawned. This is how insanely spoiled she is: I leave my car window down on PURPOSE. Just for her. It's only until the kittens are spayed, and able to go outside, because until they vacate the cabin Lilly refuses to lay a toe inside, and I want her to be comfy. She only has to wait a few more weeks because we want it done by the time we hit Arizona in the beginning of september. Just wondering, why isn't there a pill for lady cats? There's birth control for FLEAS, for cryin' out loud. Best flea control on the market, I think. No nasty chemicals on my darlins' skin, and after a few cycles there's no mo' buggers. Then you're done! Expensive tho...anyhoo.

Last but not least, found Spence Jr upright when I got home today. Hangin' with Alfred the corydora. Isn't that a hilarious scientific name? I just call 'em catfish, but just in case anyone who knows this stuff is reading... (my honey). You know, Alfred had a best buddy cory, and they were inseperable, until Spot died. Maybe Alf n' Spence Jr will be bachelor buds?


'Cause I don't think Spence Jr plays for the other team like the other angels.

Sad Fish

This angelfish is not dead. Or dying. He's depressed. I don't blame him. See, there were three angelfish. A third wheel is never good, and when eggs come into play, three gets ugly quick. The other two repeatedly drove poor Spence Jr away, even though he wasn't after the girl, just company. It got pretty serious, and we put a divider in the 100 gallon tank, to give the lovers some space. They were too busy attacking any fish who came near to relax and nurture their spawn, see. But how could Spence Jr understand this? His brain makes a pea look like a softball. He became despondent. Enter the Guarami.

G has a major chip on his shoulder, because he's very vain. And he's beautiful, but all he knows is he's missing an eye, and he feels like a monster. He doesn't grasp the inner beauty concept, what with the grain of sand size brain and all. So he punks any fish that don't get out of his way fast enough. Poor Jr. He didn't even try to defend himself , he was so lonely and lost. G ate all Spence Jr's fins, until he couldn't even swim. I know, seriously, rated R fish tank here. He was just floating on the current, waiting to die, when we pulled him and put him in Dagger's little 10 gallon tank, along with a bunch of medicine. It was touch and go for a few days there, but when he started growing his fins back we knew he hadn't given up after all. And yet... a month later, and he COULD swim, but he doesn't. I guess fish can mend their fins but not their heart. I couldn't even bring myself to tell him the other two angels turned out to be lesbians. True story.

This is Maximus, our 25 cent feeder that is now pushing 10 inches, the fatty. He's the king of duuuuh. It's a good thing he's too big to mess with, 'cause if G bit him he probably wouldn't get it. At least he'll never get a broken heart.
PS Speaking of PS, saw a letter to santa today (yeah, it's still summer) and it said "PS: The light saber needs to be able to cut through things." MADE MY DAY. Maybe I should go tell Spence Jr that story, see if I can coax a smile outta him. I'm thinking, though, he might prefer some nice brine shrimp.

One Dollar Question

Not million dollar question, just one: Would you pull a soggy floating dollar bill out of this puddle?

When my sister and I were kids, and supposed to being going to sleep, we'd ask each other hypothetical questions for hours and hours. The ones I remember most were something like, "If there were three presents, a big one, small, and medium, which would you choose?" Sister would answer, and questioner would make up what would be in the present she picked, then tell her what she missed out on by not picking the other ones. Ok, weird. We also looked through the glossy jewelry adds in the sunday paper, and would see which ones we "got", by which one had our initial by it. You know, the initial that corresponds picture to title and price... sometimes I think we stayed up past midnight giggling. Then when I lived with my sister AND brother, all of us in one room... well, I'm pretty sure we got some digruntled parents roaring in here and there, scaring us into quiet for... a few minutes. I wish I could go back, and be a better big sister, include my brother more (being younger by a bigger gap he got excluded a lot :(* ) not be such a *&%# to my sis as a teen. I was the oldest, and I think it went to my head. Well. At least they still love me. :P ... uh... right guys??

Anyway, the dollar question wasn't hypothetical. There WAS a dollar in this nastiferous puddle. And, it hasn't rained in months, I should add. Well, I was pulling onto a busy road when I saw it, so I couldn't just stop. My first response was, "money!" and then, "EEEEEW it's so not worth it". Of course, then I had hours to think about what a dollar could buy, and, I mean, I could WASH it. That's a free cup of coffee! So I got a stick, to fish it out, and went back. It was gone. I guess it was worth it to someone, more than to me. I really hope they found a stick though, 'cause that was some FUNK.

And, to balance out the gross picture:

I'm not sure if Mildred/ Sebastian/ Stinky terd was going to kill me, or the camera, but lil Mabel Anne smiled for the picture.
And then MSST went all cute and M.A. fell over backwards. I'm tellin ya, is there anything NOT cute about kittens? Oh yeah, duh. Sebastian's named after it.

Trees and Butter and Kittens, oh my!

Ok hell with it. I am embracing my love for trees, the photo taking part. Haha that's like tree-hugging my tree love. So what if you can't take a picture of the forest for the trees? It doesn't go that way, that saying, does it. Oh well, someday I will be a world renowned wild tree photographer, catching them in their natural setting, at repose and unaware of any human stalking. National Geographic will send me around the world for still footage, all expense paid, and the Smithsonion will have me as a well funded free-lance expert! Whew. Didn't some one say, if you're gonna dream, go big? Works for me.

Man, I got 2 rude gestures and one honk when driving yesterday, 'cause I had the right of way and apparently that really pisses people off, and guess what? All I saw was golden shiny fridge light. I smiled and waved, (okay, I did that 'cause secretly I hoped that would piss them off more, lol) and I'm still floating. Like my butter. Eeew. I almost wish I could push back the arrival date, because there is something so insanely awesome about have a guaranteed good thing in the future. I didn't even realize how hopelessly bleak and doom and gloom the future was starting to seem. Now, there's something concrete and positive coming, and jeeeez I sound like a whiner. I'm just relieved, that's the feeling. I'll leave it at that.

So CommonLaw didn't like the names Mildred and Mabel. He said they were too old lady, which was precisely why I liked them. They're antiqe and charming (gad I hope that's not offensive to old ladies, being antique, which to me means elegant and intricate and beautiful). Anyway, now the kittens are tenatively Sebastian (still a girl) and Anne. After little orphan Annie. Heehee. And Clarence is still Mommydad, and when he comes inside I say, "Aw, you've come to see your girls? Girls! Nannydad's here!" They come RUNNING!! Dun da dala dun!! With the stompity patter of clumsy kitten feet. My eyeball is bugging out with the cuteness. Lil' (stinky terd) angels!!