Monday, August 20, 2007

Black and White

Cameras can be dangerous. I don't mean, people getting caught doing things they shouldn't, like running red lights in view of a traffic cam. You shouldn't be doin' stuff you don't want to get caught doing! Ok, I'm sure there's exceptions to that, but I'm not going there.
Parents, I know you care about the safety of your children, so you might not want to let them have a camera. At least not until they are old enough. Let's see, I'm 28, so... maybe 30?

I managed to slip out the screen door, behind the lazy boy ( a must for any mountain hermit's front porch) and get about four feet from this skunk. And what the heck posessed me, I asked myself, while creeping further forward. There's just something exciting about being that close to a wild animal, a critter that, sure, I know what they look like, I've seen them before, but this close? Never. I didn't even know that their faces are all black. I imagined, like cartoon skunks, the stripe would go right down between their eyes to their nose. And their heads! Puny as hell! At the point where I was noticing how cute its brown little feet were, I slipped and knocked the lazy boy into a spin.

But never fear! It was too scared to turn tail and do the nasty, it just turned tail and ran, thank you Jesus!! (Just watched a documentary on Tammy Fay, don't ask. Ok, sometimes you'll watch anything! And I like documentaries!) Anyway, I figured I better bring the cat food in for the night ( gee, ya think?) but there were only like three crumbs left, and I thought, ooh, I know, I could move the plate and get a better picture when it comes back! Hmm, I'm thinking maybe thirty is too young and dumb still. Maybe forty. So yes, that's what I did, only next came a raccoon. Aye yi yi! A big ol' sucka, not the same one as last time. At this point, visions of rabies shots were dancing in my head, and, feeling like I'd used up my woodland creature luck for the night, I got the hell outta dodge. I didn't even try for a not-aimed arms-length shot.
Okay, yeah I did. It just didn't turn out. Maybe it's just ME that shouldn't be trusted with a camera. Hey there, cougar, show me your smile! AAAGGGHHHH my arm! Yeeek okay there's some sweet dreams for me. I can't promise that I'll learn anything from this... except maybe not to let Netflix make suggestions for me.


daddums said...

OMG Hermitgirl! I can't believe you got those photos without getting sprayed. OK, I suppose I can. You're pretty amazing.

It's only anecdotal, but my neighbors say this is a banner year for skunks. They regularly trapse through our back yard, just past the dining room, like they own the place. Many times since spring I've been awakened by the smell. I jump up and quickly close the windows. Sometimes too late.

Anonymous said...

o my gottt!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm still howlin! managed to stay in my chair but you just about made me pee my pants on that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!